The more that I immerse myself in the womb of the Sacred Feminine, the more I realize what it means to take responsibility for my life, and the more I understand how important it is to my own evolution to be as honest with myself as I possibly can.
When I have hurt another, I’m not as inclined to think about my actions or theirs as right or wrong. Rather, I realize that I have distracted myself from Divine flow and, for some time, ceased to be truly present.
Perhaps anyone else involved also distracted themselves from the Divine, but my responsibility is for me. I can choose to reconnect to Divine grace at any moment, and in my experience, when I reconnect I often find that I need to forgive me.
If I have allowed myself to become distracted from my Divine nature, then I have abandoned my true nature. As I become conscious once again of that most profound connection, I find it helpful to notice the beliefs, thoughts, feelings and patterns of behavior that occurred before I disconnected.
These preceding feelings, thoughts and behaviors set up the potential for me to disconnect. My motivation for allowing disconnection is the place within me that most needs my love and healing. It is the part of me that is still afraid of Divine love.
Let me put this into an example. Let’s say that I was speaking about family values. Perhaps my view of family values was formed out of a childhood where I experienced a great deal of abuse. As a result I might have strong feelings and little objectivity.
In my passion, I say something that hurts your feelings. I might or might not have intended to hurt you, but if I am honest with myself, I can acknowledge that something I said or the way that I said it caused you pain. Perhaps I was speaking with so much passion about my beliefs and feelings on the topic that I disconnected from you, enraptured with my passionate dissertation. My own beliefs and feelings became my obsession, and as a result, for a time I was disconnected from your Divine nature. I didn’t care how you might take what I was saying or how it was affecting you. I just wanted to speak my mind.
If I had been more connected to the Divine within us, I might have been more aware that another way of sharing could have come across more respectfully and considerately of you. I could have still made my point, but I could have done it with sensitivity to your perspectives and feelings.
Is it possible that even being more considerate I might have hurt your feelings? Certainly. However, the situation had the potential to be more hurtful when I became so involved with myself that I disregarded how my words and energy were affecting you. That was the moment in which I disconnected from the Divine.
Now, let’s say that I realize what happened and I truly want to make amends. In the way of Sacred Feminine energy, here is what I would do:
1) I would hold the wounded part of me that was willing to disconnect from Divine flow, in order to make my needs more important than anyone else. Such acts typically come from a deep-seated need that has not been honored or met. So I would begin my amends by honoring the unmet need of the wounded child within me with great love and compassion. Compassion heals the wound and creates space to connect with the Divine once again.
2) When I felt at peace in Divine awareness, I would take responsibility for my choice by apologizing to you for allowing myself to become so disconnected that I wasn’t being concerned about how my words might be affecting you.
3) If you needed it, I would open my heart to compassion for your—for your experience around the incident. I would hold that loving space until we both felt at peace.
If you would like to deeply explore the healing power of holding, take a look at the video series, Secrets of the Sacred Feminine Revealed. In this series we explore the many nuances of holding for our own healing and that of our communities.
What is a true apology from the perspective of the Sacred Feminine? It is the realization that in our woundedness we allow ourselves to become distracted from Divine awareness. We restore our connection through the gift of self-compassion. When our hearts are full, we are ready to hold compassion for anyone that we have hurt while we were disconnected. It is elegantly simple and very challenging to do, for it requires a great deal of self-honesty, and a willingness to discover the limitless capacity of Divine awareness to love each of us completely—wounds and all.
Janet, I too have discovered that sometimes no matter how lovingly and compassionately you share your truth with someone, they are likely to feel hurt. Truth isn’t always easy. It’s true, we can’t be responsible for what someone else is feeling, only sensitive and caring. It’s when we cease to care that I believe, we have disconnected from Divine awareness, because at that moment we place our own needs over the need of another.
Odd that you should have posted this as I just hurt someone yesterday. I needed to speak up for myself, for a part of me that I had allowed to be disrespected for far too long (by both of us). I knew that the conversation would hurt this person, but I knew of no other way to get her to really pay attention to what I had to say. I did my best to be compassionate and to listen to what she had to say, but we both ended up feeling quite wounded by the end. Reflecting on it this morning, I felt that, though I can remain compassionate and open to her feelings, I can’t be responsible for them.