Have you ever said a prayer that you believed was going to improve your life, only to watch your world turn upside down and inside out?

You can end up wondering what is wrong with Spirit or the Universe. Or you can end up wondering why your prayers only seem to make matters worse. One of the reasons things may be getting worse is because of the very prayer you offered to make things better.

Prayers are powerful and Spirit responds to exactly what we are praying for, so we need to become conscious about the effects our words are actually having on our lives.

Some years ago, and elder taught me to pay attention to how I pray. She suggested that when you use the words “all” or “never” you are likely to be in for a rough ride. Why?

Here is how it works. Let’s say you are offer a prayer like this, “Take away all of my judgments.” Think about this with me for a moment. What do you think is likely to happen?

Here is what I have actually seen happen. All of the cells that harbor some form of your emotional judgment start detoxing physically and emotionally, all at the same time. Then, as if that isn’t bad enough, you start making some very poor decisions, putting yourself in harm’s way because you are releasing all of your judgments.

There is a reason some things bother us to the point that we have judgments. For example, if you are standing on the edge of a cliff, you might very much value that icky feeling that causes you to judge the edge of the cliff as unsafe.

Certainly attaching to our judgments in such a way that we are unable to find compassion for others, or using our judgments to wish harm to others is an abuse of that energy. However, judgment in and of itself is not always a bad thing.

Watch out for absolutes in your prayers. Let’s take a look at the other word, “never.”
You know the adage, “Never say never,” because what you say you never want to experience is likely to happen. There are a myriad of explanations as to why an event will occur when you clearly express you don’t want it to happen.

My personal belief is that earth is a planet created for learning. If you are attached to something happening, it often doesn’t. If you are attached to something not happening, it often does. The lesson is about living each day in the fulfillment of your soul without being attached to how that occurs. When we acknowledge and engage without attachment, creative energy flows. We then exist within the center or vortex of our creation, aware of the right opportunities for fulfillment, rather than in the reactive desires of absolutes.

What does that mean? Well, when we are creating from concepts like “never,” “always,” “all,” or “forever,” we are often reacting to circumstances in which we felt unfulfilled. In our language of absolute, we are telling our subconscious minds how important this is to us. However, in absolutes, we often actually deny our truest desires. This is how it works:

“I never want to be selfish again.” The greater truth might be that most of the time you don’t want to be selfish at the expense of someone else’s happiness, and yet, there may be times when it is appropriate to make sure you are taken care of first in order for everyone’s happiness to be provided. Remember the instruction of the flight attendant on the airplane. “If oxygen masks drop down, put on yours before helping someone else with theirs.” What they don’t say is, “Otherwise you are likely to pass out while helping someone else.” Even selfishness has its place.

“You are always so cheerful.” The greater truth is probably that she is frequently cheerful and that pleases you because you would like to be more cheerful. Now imagine the pressure your absolute statement might put on her if she has a difficult time allowing herself to experience her other feelings.

“Be there for me forever.” If you have felt abandoned, you might expect someone to make up for that pain within you by promising to be there for you forever. Such an expectation doesn’t allow for energy between to people to flow naturally, and often, not honestly either. Forever, for some people, becomes a pressure that eventually tears them apart. Fulfillment occurs in each moment that you recognize someone actually is there for you (and not abandoning you) right here and now. It is even more fulfilling when you are there for yourself (and no longer abandon you).

“All I want is to be happy.” You probably do want to be happy, and you would probably like to feel blissful sometimes, and feel sad when someone you love dies and more. If you have been sad for a long time in your life, it may be difficult to imagine actually wanting to feel sadness, but even this emotion has its proper time. We get to feel here on earth and our feelings help us understand the breadth and depth of our Divine nature.

These kind of wishes are prayers. They disclose our deepest desires, but when we use absolutes in our language, we may be limiting how the Divine can work through our lives. We may create a healing crisis where none was necessary. We may even subconsciously attempt to limit the lives of others. Consider praying without words that indicate all or never.

For some insight about how prayers can positively or adversely affect your healing, visit Self-Healing Secrets