This question came up recently in a discussion I was having with a friend. We were taking a look at whether feeling or not feeling like going to a spiritual event was a reflection of intuitive guidance or resistance to spiritual growth or even awakening.
Some years ago, I remember being hesitant to follow my calling because I didn’t want to seem disrespectful to someone else. A very wise master pointed out to me what I didn’t want to look at. He said, “It is very good to be respectful, but it can also be a great place to hide.”
I wonder how often I denied myself some measure of spiritual awareness because I wasn’t “in the mood” to go, when what was really going on was that some part of me knew I was going to get to meet myself and my truth at some deeper level of awareness?
Thank goodness for my elder. She never let me have an excuse. If I wasn’t in the mood, she basically told me to go tend to myself until I was ready. That’s an important lesson as a ceremonialist, because as I have learned over the years, I’m not always in the mood to facilitate when it’s finally time to do the ceremony.
In the early days, I was nervous, and nervousness has a way of overpowering everything. It’s hardly good for putting you in the mood to stand up in front of a group of people and hold spiritual space for ritual.
The irony has consistently been that once I enter into the sacred space within me, the mood follows. More than once a ceremony, ritual or retreat I participated in, even though I wasn’t in the mood, proved to provide some of the most powerful insights and lessons of my life.
Not being in the mood, more often that not, has been a reflection of my fear rather than my intuitive guidance.
Certainly there have been events that were not mine to attend. The way that I knew I was receiving intuitive guidance rather than reacting in fear was by entering the sacred space within me. When my heart is full and I am at peace, the messages are much clearer.
I discovered that true callings are apparent in the quietness within me, even when I don’t feel up to it. I’ve also learned that following those callings have been worth the effort every single time.
Often times, some judgment or fear came up for me to look at. Because I followed my calling, I committed to be present to the feelings that were manifesting inside me. And spiritual ceremonies and events are such wonderful place for getting to know ones self, and finding deeper love for the broken and fearful places inside.
When the ceremony or event was over, my reward has been greater inner peace and self-love. Because I chose to call myself out of hiding, my life was deeply blessed.
If you have found yourself saying, “No,” to sacred opportunities because you didn’t feel in the mood, I invite you to consider whether or not you might be hiding from yourself. Perhaps, your mood truly is a reflection of your intuitive guidance. Perhaps your body is overly taxed and needs to rest, or emotionally you need to disconnect for a while.
Sometimes our intuitive guidance is leading us to something that is better for us. And sometimes, our fears are leading us away from what will set us free. Entering into the silence of one’s sacred space is a beautiful way to gain clarity about whether your mood might be limiting your freedom.