It was many years before I was able to acknowledge that there was a Sacred Feminine aspect of the Divine. I had been raised with the belief that God was masculine. Notions of a feminine aspect were pagan and ungodly. In fact, acknowledging a feminine aspect of God was a good way to pick up a fast ticket to hell. Fortunately, I outgrew that belief, but in doing so, I developed a rather skewed perspective of the Sacred Masculine.

For the longest time I couldn’t pray to God without conjuring up an image of an ancient gray-haired man that, while loving, doled out justice with a fairly heavy hand of either indifference or punishment. While He controlled everything, He didn’t seem to be very accessible, so I felt helpless and insignificant in His presence.

Since that kind of relationship wasn’t working for me and I couldn’t quite get the feel for a Sacred Mother, I just stopped praying to anybody. All the definitions I had for God were too limiting and too confining.

I let go of of any definition of God as either Sacred Masculine or Sacred Feminine

I focused instead on how I chose to exist in the world. I stopped asking somebody in the ethers for help whenever I felt stuck or confused, and decided to put my energy in applying my knowledge, talents and gifts to the best of my ability.

I figured I must have been put on this earth with plenty of know-how to do what I came here to do, since I wasn’t finding anybody “out there” who seemed interested in my personal and day-to-day challenges.

In my process of personal empowerment, I also became a student of masculine and feminine behavior. And if you’ve read any of my stories about living for many years with a significant hormonal imbalance (as much testosterone as a male in puberty), my interest in masculine and feminine behavioral traits makes a lot of sense.

When I was most immersed in masculine energy, I was aggressive and easily ran over other people’s interests. I was logical, organized, and an addicted workaholic. I did not do a very good job of looking after my health or in honoring my feelings. My personal experience with my own masculine energy was not very good.

When I finally learned how to respect my emotions, empathy and intuitive nature, I began taking better care of myself physically and emotionally. I worked diligently to maintain balance in my life between rest and work, organization and impulsiveness, care for others as well as me, and the use of my intuition with my logic.

As I found balance, I found peace. Over time, I understood the correlations between my newly discovered feminine approach to life and the Sacred Feminine.

In a rather twisted way, I equated healthy, happy living with the Sacred Feminine and unhealthy, unhappy living with the Sacred Masculine.

Now I realize that my view of the Sacred Masculine was deeply marred. My out-of-balance aggressiveness was certainly not what the Sacred Masculine is really all about. Nonetheless, I had a deep-seated fear of the Sacred Masculine that I did not recognize.

I was afraid that if I allowed myself to know the Sacred Masculine, I would lose my health. I was afraid I would revert back to my old aggressive ways when I was out of balance with my feminine nature. I was afraid I would lose my mental health, conceding to logic alone when I knew my intuition was guiding me correctly. I was afraid I would lose the peace and serenity I had discovered in owning my Sacred Feminine nature. I might lose my spiritual center.

In my fear, I became too still and quiet.

I became too compassionate about others and did not have enough compassion for me. I took too little action on my own behalf. I didn’t know how to speak up for myself without feeling angry, resentful or placating. I frequently isolated to protect myself.

I fought with men, ran to them, or ran away from them. I had no idea how to live with them and be myself. In embracing the Sacred Feminine, I became fearful of the Sacred Masculine and discarded it from my life.

I’m sure you can imagine how challenging my relationships with men had become. If I didn’t know and respect the true, beautiful nature of the Sacred Masculine within myself, I certainly didn’t know how to recognize it in men.

I didn’t know how to fully receive the deep love, concern, protection, care, tremendous passion for life, desire to make a difference, longing to create, and generously overflowing provision for others and self that flows with great grace through the Sacred Masculine.

Now that I have experienced the wonder of the Sacred Masculine within me, I realize how freely it expresses through us if we allow ourselves to know its real nature.

If I didn’t know how to protect myself, live in passion, or create and provide well for myself, I limited what I had to share with others. I limited my expression of the Divine in me.

I was only half alive. However, I yearned to be fully alive, and there was only one way to get there. I had to surrender to the full expression of me and that included the complete acceptance of the Sacred Masculine with in me, next to the complete acceptance of the Sacred Feminine.

Understanding the subtle nature of our own Sacred Feminine and Sacred Masculine nature is part of the great adventure of being human. Because we have so many cultural overlays about what feminine and masculine means, it is easy to become confused about the true essence of these powerful energies. If you are exploring the power of yin (Sacred Feminine) and yang (Sacred Masculine) energies in your life, I talk about their fundamental differences in my book, Sacred Feminine Awakening: The Emergence of Compassion.

What happened to God?

Well, God is no longer masculine or feminine to me. God, the Divine, is both. I no longer sacrifice one sacred nature for the other. I love both aspects of the Divine, and I have chosen to live in the delight of both. The experience of two natures is what makes life mysterious and wonderful.

Enjoying the masculine and feminine natures of the Divine is my daily, living prayer and experiencing heaven here and now is the gift of living with a more limitless and inclusive experience of the Divine.