I have a confession to make. This has been one of my biggest challenges—letting go of the self-critical voice that never seems to think I have accomplished enough. I’ve barely accomplished one task when my mind is already spinning on what is next.
The day I received my first copy of my book, The Root of All Healing, my husband took me out to dinner, reminding me to pause long enough to enjoy my accomplishment before launching into discussions about my many marketing ideas.
Having published several technology books, he knew all to well how easy it is to run right over the top of the present accomplishment in order to plan for the next one.
As we shared dinner together, we also reflected on how easy it is to get caught up in what we are not, whether we are talking about accomplishments, skills or simply how we are being.
Isn’t it easy to get hung up on the perception that we are not good enough in some way or another? And isn’t it all to easy to run right over the top of who we are in a quest to be better than we already are?
Many times I have been so busy in my life focusing on what I think I am not and have not accomplished that I missed the sweet essence of who I truly I am. In times of clarity, I realize I am not the sum total of what I have done, nor am I the sum total the moments I was able to simply be.
I simply am what I am. The only moment of awareness that counts is this moment—not what I was or did in the past, nor what I will do or will be in the future—just who I am right now.
When I sit in stillness, present to the aspects of myself that I think are lacking, I soon discover that those perceived lacks are actually pointing the way to who I really am.
Recently, I learned in a meditation that I have some spirochetes in my gut. These are tenacious little critters that burrow into cysts they have made whenever they feel a threat, like herbs that will kill them. So they are challenging to release from the body.
I immediately went to work with my Sound Medicine and was beginning to see some results, but the healing was moving too slowly for my taste. Instead of opening up in love to who I am, I was criticizing myself for not creating stronger or more accurate Sound Medicine for myself. I assumed my gift had weakened somehow. I was defining myself by what I perceived I was not.
What I have learned about my Sound Medicine is that, while it is healing me energetically, it often also leads me to healers and other solutions. A friend suggested in her healing process, she had opened up her consciousness to the remedy that would heal her health condition.
I listened carefully and decided to open up my field beyond my precious Sound Medicine. In meditation I asked for my perfect and right remedy. Minutes later I came out of my deep meditation fully aware that crop circles are healing symbols and I knew which one would help me with the spirochetes.
In just days I have seen dramatic results as I meditate with the crop circle and listen to my Sound Medicine. So what is the moral of the story for me? Well, I’m not an incompetent healer nor am I a great healer. I am not the sum of what I cannot do, nor am I the sum of my accomplishments.
I am simply a woman that chooses to heal with the gifts that live within and around me. I am a woman falling in love with my own Divine nature, and that nature is limitless. If I allow myself to surrender to who and what I truly am as a Divine being expressing herself in the Universe, then every moment is a moment to love.
In Divine love, there just isn’t much room for perceptions of criticism or inadequacy. There is no worth to my existence. There is only my existence and the freedom to choose how I would like to experience it.
One of the places I have learned to hold critical thoughts in love until they dissipate in the Divine love of who I truly am is at SpiritQuest. http://www.newdreamfoundation.com/spirit-quest.htm
At my very first quest I discovered that true spiritual liberation came with being willing to shed my self-criticism and allow my ego to rest so that the truth and mystery of Spirit could emerge through and around me. Since my first quest, I have discovered that being willing to enter into stillness and compassion is a choice to step into the wonder of the Sacred Feminine.
For one precious week per year, I immerse into the Sacred Feminine—by myself, with my community, with the spiritual ancestors, and with Mother Earth. I discover and I remember that who I am is vast and immeasurable, and that the love I am and can hold is endless.